Masterchef Singapore Appreciation Post Slash Season 1 Episode 6 Recap!!!

 [spoiler alert, but lol srsly]

[TLDR: Shams rocks]

First of all, fuck Toggle for making me get a VPN to watch this show.

PART ONE

The durian challenge was actually all kinds of genius, but when Bjorn said before the reveal that the mystery ingredient is "a toxic ingredient that splits households" there was literally no way anyone would believe a pufferfish or raw potatoes was in that smoking biohazard box. Whoever's writing his lines needs to take some notes/hire me.

Takeaways From this Challenge

#1: it's clear Zander can only do hipster cafe food. So far we've had 2 fusion risottos, breaded mystery meat, molten lava cake, and now innovative lasagne. So if he wins this and gets a restaurant, you all know it'll close down in a year. Let's keep things in perspective. He's cute but not that cute. say no to #hipstercafe trash.

#2: When Damien interviews Sharon with the good hair at the start and exclaims "another sambal?" I wanted to scream POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK. This is the guy who wants us to eat the food of our ancestors and whose legit one good thing at his latest joint is the buah keluak paste and sambal belacan. But also: leave SWTGH alone, let her make all the sambal she wants 'cuz I'd rather eat SWTGH's durian sambal than Zander's durian lasagne. Let's remember that durian is regularly a gross-out challenge on Fear Factor, and as a matter of principle we should not make durian so conceptually accessible to these ang mohs.

#3: Gen saying balls/fried balls/fry my balls is actually terrifying, and someone ought to write to the ST forum about this. Did I thrill a little when her polenta balls failed to fry? Yes. Did she acquit herself well regardless? Yes, but see below for full take-down.

#4: Shams was robbed in this challenge, flat and simple. She did a mid-cook switch from pairing her durian fritters with flank steak (we all make mistakes, even Shams) to curried prawns (this woman always lands on her feet), and in 40 minutes managed to plate up one of the most dazzling and beautiful feats of modern Malay cooking this show has yet seen. Also, when she presents her dish she drops news of that pickled salak garnish like a Beyonce album. Did anyone see that coming?! First of all, where in Cold Storage did she find salak, and how did she pickle it so quickly? Conclusion: Shams is a sorceress. I need only remind everyone of the Assam Pedas to Sambal Tumis saga of Episode 1. Then Damien has a mouth orgasm that is unfortunately captured on camera, and somehow this doesn't win Shams best dish. Instead it's Gen's multidimensional fried durian balls that get gold. Again: #hipstercafe.

#5: Aaron begins this episode on such off-footing that it's almost painful to watch despite how much I want him to leave the show and take his progressive zichar and tuiles with him. Did I not say he would try to pull more of this shit out from his sleeves? Whatever the fuck that floss was that he was failing to make is basically a tuile, which is my new shortform for pretentious bougie dinner party garnishes. Let's remember that the dish he was trying to execute was a durian version of prawn and mango dimsum, which even at its best is a pretty naff idea. Chinese cuisine is so much better than this, and here I am thinking of poor eliminated Nicholas's dynamic deep fried fish in balletic movement. Again: say not to the #hipstercafe.

PART TWO

Did anyone else gag a little, like trying to cough shit out, not "yes queen, I'm gagged," when the mystery chef turned out to be Bjorn? Some of my friends [Ed:

Pooja Nansi

and

Kishan Kumar Singh

] saw it miles away, but it only hit me when Audra said the guest ownself coined the term "dudestronomy" and describes himself as a "food bro." First of all, you can't say you've coined a term like dudestronomy if no one else but you uses it. Secondly, refer to David Chang, Eddie Huang, and other such dudebro chefs who coined the term meta-linguistically with the gross bro-ness of their being.

When the cameras cut to Bjorn, I almost had to cup my face in my hands and scream. First of all, let's keep toxic masculinity out of the kitchen, secondly, there are better ways to mask your small hiring budget, Masterchef SG. I love Bjorn on this show for his dad jokes and general air of optimism, but unless he breaks down and cries like Audra did when Diana Queen of the Home Cooks was eliminated, he's got a lot of masculinity to make up for.

Anyway, once again, another "balls" dish on the show, RIP Gen and my appetite. This time they're meant to recreate Bjorn's dudebro food from taste: Kibbeh, Lamb Belly, and a charred Squash salad. Is it weird that they call it a "recreate from memory" challenge when they're working off recipes? Nevermind!

Takeaways

#1: Aaron's toxic masculinity when he jumps into the challenge without properly reading the recipe is a lesson for all of us. Swooping into the competition with his tuiles and foams and flosses, Aaron is the very caricature of male genius that believes he has nothing to learn from others except to reinvent their work. Also, always read the recipe! His farty, deflating fall from grace here, where he plates up the limpest, saddest looking little salad, and sheepishly tells Damien "not to eat" the coriander he'd used as garnish instead of mint, is completely the tails-between-legs humiliation that is apropos of this moment in gender politics. It's hard to believe this was the front-runner of the competition, let down by his inability to read a recipe. SHAME!

#2: This show turns minor slip-ups into epic cliffhanger moments. Who will soon forget the mint and coriander saga of 2018, or for that matter Sharon's triumphant "GREMOLATA, I'LL MAKE A GREMOLATA" gravy save in Episode 3?

#3: Gen is a very smart contestant, and I really liked how she used her 3 lifelines in this challenge. I think she acquitted herself really well in this episode and of the lot is probably the cheffiest. Do I think she should win? I don't know, will she? Could she? It doesn't seem like her cooking has a point of view, or voice, and the way she wigs out at dudebro chefs and their restaurants, and longs to work for them, is such a far cry from the fiery energy and spirit of Shams and her visionary food. Do we need another derivative modern American/modern European-with-Asian-flourishes restaurant slash #hipstercafe in the city? Give me Shams and her last minute pickled Salak magic any day.

#4: So Aaron is booted, and my WhatsApp chat [

Pooja Nansi

,

Kishan Kumar Singh

, and

Shridar Mani

] explodes in a fury of "YAAAAAS's". We don't like dudebros! What a sad ignominious defeat, and hopefully a death-knell to twists and tuiles on this competition.

#5: SWTGH, Shams, Gen, and Zander remain. If the top 3 is not all-female, I am writing in to the ST forum. Women are custodians of Asian food heritage, and are sometimes unjustly shackled to that role; but it is always men who seem to profit from our food and who become its ambassadors. I'm thinking fuckbois like David Chang, Eddie Huang, Roy Choi, to whose ranks Bjorn Shen and practically every mofo in a cap in the kitchen seem to aspire.

#6: I stan Shams and SWTGH so hard, but Shams a lot more. Think about it. If Zander wins, he will open an Italian-Singapore fusion diner that's basically PS Cafe but run by a straight man so ugly decor. Gen basically wants to work the Michelin circuit and become an STB work-pony, and since she's already going to the Culinary Institute of America and is clearly very accomplished, she doesn't need this competition to do that. SWTGH is amazing, but I think the energy of youth and vision is on Shams's side. Shams would create such a kickass food sensation. But SWTGH and Shams in the top two would be a reminder that our food culture is modern, has always been modern, and doesn't need "elevating" to be on par with mediocre $20 pastas and breakfast burritos-- it's already there, in its infinite variety at the hands of endlessly creative home cooks and hawkers. Say no to #hipstercafe food!

#7: Anyway, bye Aaron, justice is served, and I can't wait to see Shams nom her way to the top.