MasterChef SG Appreciation post/ Ep 8 (Finale) Recap

Spoiler alert/TLDR: HURH?/IDGAF/What Would Shams Have Done (WWSHD)/ Ugh Pasta/ Radioactive Ondeh Ondeh Laosai

*corrected szechuan to Sichuan

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Now that all the spice queens have left the show, one wonders if there is any point watching this grand finale. One rolls this question around in one's mouth, and a weird flavour spreads around the palate. By episode's end, the question really is: what would we as a nation be proud to call a feast?

But let's put aside these ruminations for now, because there's some Masterchef to watch!

Gen and Zander are our top 2 finalists. Here's a little capsule review of each of them for those of you joining this recap series at stupid o'clock. Gen is basically an Elevated Creative Cuisine Queen. In restaurant terms you're thinking sit-down establishment with $20 sharing plates, craft cocktails, better yet beers, light Mumford & Sons soundtrack, and swish mod-industrial touches in the decor suggesting casual upmarket, but with communal dining element and very good for Instagram. Zander is Very Cute, Male and Makes Italian (VCMMI). It's everyone's favourite "Western" cuisine! Pasta, risotto, with occasional flashes of dudefood, and a few furtive fusion elements. In restaurant terms think P.S. Cafe but with less on the plate, and not very Instagram-worthy, and also no truffle fries.

Bearing this in mind, either way, we have a real whimper-not-a-bang ending to what has been one of the most invigorating T.V. shows to come out of the musty caverns of Mediacorp in a long time. This show brought to light the complexity and depth of Singapore food, and showcased home cooks, many of them mothers and home-makers, who are custodians of our food heritage. Let's recall such flashes of brilliance on the show as the opening Ownself Tumbuk Your Sambal Belacan challenge that spilled over into the Fried Rice with Egg Challenge, and other challenges that cast a spotlight on elements of local cuisine. 

And yet, worming through the series has been a weird insecurity about the validity of local cuisine: on one end, it needs to be "elevated" to be worthy of the series, and so simple home-style food got booted off even though the judges constantly harp on and on about how "flavour trumps all". And on the other end, you see a very strange bandying about of the broad term "Asian Flavours" and, more grotesquely, "Fusion". As the episodes progressed, much of what seemed to get praise was European food with "an Asian touch," so at the end of the day, with some very notable exceptions, European tradition still occupies a very central place in the competition. 

And it gets really stinky in this final episode, like someone turned off the fridge in the in-house mini Cold Storage over the weekend. 

Because the finale challenge is for each cook to prepare, in 2.5 hours, a "banquet" or "feast" of 5 courses: meat, fish, vegetable, starch, and dessert, and each dish has to feature, ahem, "Asian elements". So the presupposition already is that people are going to turn out "non-Asian" food to which they need to peg "Asian flavours," which with these 2 cooks is, well duh. But also, why is this the way this series ends? With a return to "Asia" as a series of exotic complements and unexpected "touches" to European food? How did we get from Sambal Belacan to this? 

1. Let's pause at this point to consider: What Would Shams Have Done (WWSHD)? Shams, Knight Superior of the Modern Malay Kitchen, had, prior to her shocking (okay not really, but referee kayu) elimination on the last episode, consistently turned out miracle after miracle of beautiful Malay cooking with an even-handed balance of innovation and tradition, topped up with gorgeous presentation and, here's the kicker, the odd "European touch". This was a cuisine I could get behind and pom pom to death, one that actually grows from a knowledge built on community, the region, and history, not imitative restaurant cookbookery. So, WWSHD? Speculate in the comments! 

2. On a less serious note, we FINALLY learn what the damned prizes are, which makes you wonder if they were still looking for sponsors during the taping of the previous 7 episodes. Well lookie here, the prizes is a shitload of expensive home cooking equipment, the sort of the stuff that any Home Cook Who Wants To Start A Swish Supperclub would cream their pants about. We're talking high end blenders, expensive cooking ranges, and, AND, a 3 month internship at judge Bjorn's Artichoke, and Damian's Folklore. Plus some hokey looking silver (why not gold?!) trophy that looks like a tech startup logo. 

3. Oh yeah, the eliminated contestants are watching on from the deck, providing very Secondary School Sports Day style cheering. It's good to see them, especially considering three of them have been brutally robbed by this competition. Robbed! It's also very morbid, like seeing the ambivalent spirits of the fallen watch down on a war that has long lost the plot. They're also summoned to provide commentary, which they do, politely, and at points even provide verbal assistance from above. This respect for ancestors was probably the most Asian feature of the episode.

4. If you can't tell from my droll tone, I'm not very gassed about this episode, but alas, there they go now, running into the mini Cold Storage. What is Zander going to make? Don't hold your breath: pasta. A Carbonara in fact, scented with Sichuan peppercorns, whee. This is not, btw, these crafty peppercorns's first appearance on the show as a "subtle Asian flavour". Sichuan Peppercorns are the new kimchi, they're in fucking everything from popcorn to ice cream, one of those flavours that the West "discovered," much like Pandan promised to be last year, thanks Nigella, but no thanks.

4. i) Speaking of Pandan, for dessert, Zander is making Ondeh Ondeh Panna Cotta, which is just the most fucking #hipstercafe thing I've ever heard. He starts this off by pouring that gross Phoon Huat pandan extract into his custard, which turns it into that very gross shade of Slime Green that when you see in the shop always tells you that there is not enough pandan in this pandan dessert. Please lah, don't tell me Cold Storage don't have pandan leaves. This really pissed me off in ways I can barely describe, but also maybe I'm just very turned off by Ondeh Ondeh anything that isn't actually Ondeh Fucking ONDEH. 

4.i) What else. Oh, some flank steak thing with an "Asian" chimichurri, another one of those very in vogue things you're liable to be served on a brushed pewter plate at a cocktail bar with a lazy tapas menu. And, oh, fish with lemongrass beurre blanc. For the veg, sliced fennel dressed with soy sauce, sesame oil and honey. Tesco's called, they want their Generic Oriental Sauce back.

5. Sorry I nodded off and started a new bullet point. Oh, okay, Gen, right. Little Miss CIA has a very funky menu going on, from the looks of it, and I stan her in this finale because 1) her parents own a chicken rice stall, 2) she's not a man, and bonus 3) she plays a good game in this episode. For her starch, she throws together a Quinoa Tabbouleh with "Indian" spices. She's given a lot of grief in this challenge for not "incorporating enough Asian elements" in her menu, and she keeps defending this Tabbouleh like an underperforming child at school who can't speak his mother tongue. But, hun, if we really want to deep this, let's talk the Silk Road, the Spice Trade, and, geez, what even is "the Middle East". Look, to all these white people, we're one giant Orient (and ominous call-out of Audra using this actual word later in the ep). So Gen, you're good sis, kumbaya. But sure let's call this an Indian Tabbouleh if it ticks the right box. 

5. i) For meat, Gen is attempting a Confit Duck paired with oranges candied in, um, "Chinese" spices like star anise and cinnamon. Her veg element is roasted aubergines with a Sichuan peppercorn yoghurt. For dessert, Gen really pulls out the stops with some red-wine and fig mochi with salted Mascarpone ice cream and some cake thing. I'm looking at this girl go, and thinking, wow, she's really got it. It's not food that necessarily excites me, but she's 20 and has such incredible range and imagination, and technique. You go Chicken Rice Girl! I am assuming she is Hainanese, and claiming her for the community. Actually, she says that her dessert is inspired by the "wine and cheese" that her family loves to eat, which is peak Westernised Hainanese living, so I'm calling it: HAINANESE. Bet they eat pineapple pork chops and pate on crackers too, my heart SINGS with this twee, mid-SES aspirationality, our families should meet, Gen.

5. ii) Though shockingly, Gen has no idea how to work a wine opener and has a real nasty go at opening a crusty looking Penfold's red. Cue Joshua, the SQ Sommelier, brusquely eliminated by Chinese Privilege several episodes ago, screaming "HOLD THE SILVER PART, HOLD THE SILVER PART," Shams going "GO GEN" like an orientation group leader during inter-OG badminton, and SWTGH screaming, throatily, "PUT IT BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS AND PULL". This is the famed kampong spirit, this blissful CMIO moment, the true meaning of SG50.  Did my heart swell? Yes it did, reader. A reminder of the better days of the show, and of better days in general, wipe tear.

6) At some point, no doubt egged on by the producers to amp up the competitive energy of the episode, Zander and Gen start having a go at each other, taunting each other from across their benches. None of this bears repeating because it's lame af, but tack on top of this Audra screaming "guys come on, it's the finale! work faster!" and Damian yelling "this had better be a feast fit for a feast!", and Shams reprising her Kakak OGL character from Ep 2, you can't help but think the two contestants would probably be better off without all this noise. There's a kind of half-hearted waning to the voice when cheering isn't authentic or when people who aren't prone to cheering in everyday life, read most of us, are made to cheer, and it sounds like shit on TV. Just play Ed Sheeran in the background and do a montage lah, easy, no need to wayang competition so much. That'll give us more time and headspace to reflect on the true winner of this competition, Shams, and WWSHD, remember to tell us in the comments!

7) Anyway, omg, faster finish cooking lah, this recap is so fucking long. Alright, challenge over, the 2 contestants make it in the nick of time. Zander's panna cotta fails to set and comes out looking like lurid green laosai, which he salvages by plating it "deconstructed style," so you've got chunks of gula melaka cake floating in a moat of radioactive ondeh ondeh diarreah. VERY ATTRACTIVE. 

8) Overall, Zander's banquet spread looks very plain, flat, and a little bit like something you'd be served at Saveur, but with better plates. It doesn't read "feast" as much as it does Monday Prix-Fixe Lunch Menu at some CBD Backwater trying to use up leftovers from the weekend: one starter salad, one main (fish or beef), pasta, and radioactive laosai dessert. He explains that his style is understated and subtle, which is fair, but for the TV audience watching at home, it looks pretty dreary. But let's see how it tastes! 

9) Here we are meant to take the judges's word for it when the food is described as elevated (tequila!), subtle, and delicious. The carbonara is apparently perfect enough for Zander to open his own pasta place. This dry-af looking carbonara comes with subtle hints of Sichuan pepper, which Zander has allowed to be the "hero" of the dish by omitting the traditional elements of carbonara such as... everything else. "No guanciale?" asks Bjorn which makes me snort so loudly because, fuck off, you tell me which Cold Storage in Singapore has GUAN-FUCKING-CIALE. 

9.i) The flank steak fares well with its jungle chimichurri, though for Damian, all that jungle fragrance overpowers the beef. The fish, cue sword slicing drama sound effect, has some bones in it, but the lemongrass beurre blanc is "perfect". It's the sliced fennel in Tesco's Oriental Sauce that gets top marks, though. It's apparently so good that it makes Bjorn emotional, which gets some amazingly deadpan side-eye from Damian. For lunch tomorrow, I'm going to try slicing some fennel and tossing it in soy sauce, honey, and sesame oil, and see how emotional it makes me. 

9.ii) The finishing movement of this understated, subtle, and elegant symphony of food is Zander's Special Formula Slime Green Ondeh Ondeh Laosai Cake Pudding Thing!!! If something could gloop, this glooped, and bubble-toil-and-troubled its way to a disappointing finish for the cutie-patootie. Not a fan, Bjorn proclaims, no doubt brought back to earth from fennel heaven by fusion gone wrong. 

10) In summary, the judges love the simplicity and elegance of Zander's set lunch offering, Audra in particular admiring the restraint and economy of letting only "one Asian element" shine through in each dish. Without tasting, we are meant to accept this, but conceptually it just sounds to me like an entire meal of European food with one funky garnish each. It's unimaginative and safe and unambitious. For perspective, he served up fried fish, steak, pepper pasta, raw sliced veg, and laosai. 

11) Time for Gen, who mumbles her way through her "this is the Asian touch" spiel like a lit student trying to explain a feminist re-reading of the Jack's Place menu. It's sad that she is put on the defensive because her food looks fucking amazing. The table heaves under the weight of this communal-style serving of food. Everything about it, from the colours to the range of food, suggests FEAST. Nonetheless, the judges complain about the lack of exotic flavour in some of the plates: where got Sichuan peppercorn? where got lemongrass? At this point, I had to put down my chamomile tea and sigh loudly to no one in particular. I can't be bothered to engage anymore. For me the real flaw is this Asian elements challenge. It's stale and boring af, and considering we're in Singapore, both ludicrous and depressingly reflective of our attitudes to food and worth. Plus, in this competition, it's bound to end up exactly in this kind of nitpicky judging where people are literally trying to sniff out the Asian in the room. CAN WE JUST HAVE SHAMS BACK.

12) Time for the verdict, and for more manufactured drama that doesn't quite pay off, the two finalists are "surprised" by a visit from their super-enthusiastic families. Everyone waits in bated breath to hear who's won, but I've gone to take a poop and when I come back, it is to the news that, oh, it's Zander! I don't doubt that his was the more delicious offering: these judges know what they're eating. Gen's menu seemed the more adventurous, risk-taking, and creative, and maybe it just wasn't that delicious, but it sure made for better TV. To be honest, IDGAF at this point. Either of them winning would be the same re-iteration of what premium food is in Singapore, what a Singapore entrant into the global Masterchef franchise might offer, ie. Modern European fare with Asian flourishes, yawn. Look sis, any ang moh who's traveled to Asia to find himself can put Sichuan peppercorns in their pasta. The question I find myself asking throughout this episode is: what would we as Singaporean cooks and eaters be proud to call a feast, what would we serve, what would we expect, and what would we ridicule? Are either of these finale offerings it? I hate how Singapore being a multicutural society is a lazy alibi for lazy expectations of fusion. Don't tell me "ang moh with an Asian touch" is representative of jackshit.

13) So yes, of course a man won, and of course he rode to victory on the same hokey fusion pasta vehicle he's trotted out since the get-go. No one ever seemed to call him out on it, though for some reason SWTGH got clocked for "another sambal," and Diana of the Home Cooks was criticised for her inability to transcend family-style fare. BIG SHRUG, but hey, here's to Singapore's food culture, here's to what clearly matters in the end: pasta, steak, Sichuan peppercorns, and the whole of Asian cuisine reduced to an aromatic footnote, salt-baed vigorously, but not excessively, over our European palates. Congrats Masterchef Singapore for a great first season, disappointing though it ended, with none of the fire and representational power of its opening. Before we go, I've got a question for you, though:

14) WWSHD?